Most of our current conversations about LGBT people in the church focus on theology. Theology is important, but in our focus on a theology of sex and marriage, we often neglect the practical changes churches need to make regardless of their theological identity at the moment. Every church, liberal or conservative, has room to grow in terms of making the actual LGBTQ human beings in their communities feel like valued members in the life of the church. I’m going to suggest one small step churches can take to affirm the humanity of LGBT people in their communities.
If you’ve served in leadership at a church or a Christian organization, policies about LGBT people have surely come up. It comes up when a lesbian couple asks to have their baby dedicated or baptized. Policies are questioned when a boy in the youth group begins to experiment with eyeliner. Leaders in the organization want to provide clarity, so they move to create guidelines that articulate exactly how LGBT people are allowed to exist within the community. I’m asked about policies every time I speak or sit in private meetings with church leaders, and I’ve officially heard the very best response to the question.
A senior pastor at a church outside of Los Angeles wanted to create a place where LGBT people felt safe to follow Jesus in community. He shared his hope with his congregation and, naturally, LGBT church members started to come out and bring their friends. The influx led to the creation of an LGBT small group, a place for them to find community and support.
It wasn’t long before church members approached this pastor with concerns about the number of out LGBT people sharing in the life of the church. They wondered what this meant about the church’s theological beliefs, and to what extent LGBT people would be included. (Can they volunteer? Lead worship? What if they publicly show affection?) They thought policies might clear up the confusion.
In a flash of brilliance, the pastor responded, “Okay, we’ll have our LGBT members draft a policy proposal and go from there.” Startled, the church members were like, “Wait. No. That’s not what we meant.”
Which brings us to the issue of people wanting to write policies about a group of people without including those people in the process. If you’ve ever wondered why LGBT people don’t feel loved in communities even when church leaders say they want to be compassionate, this is why. When statements about love and compassion don’t lead to concrete changes, they sound like empty words––often hypocritical assertions made to sooth the conscience of church leaders rather than the people they’re talking about. What do these Christians mean by compassion, and how does it play out practically in the life of the church?
A simple way for organizations to move from empty words to action would be to include LGBT people (more than one!) in conversations about LGBT people. Ideally, sexual and gender minorities would be invited to shape conversations about worship, outreach, and sermon outlines, because we have unique insights into the overall culture, but a good start would be to include LGBT members whenever you’re discussing things that directly impact them.
Resistance to these kinds of changes highlights the underlying issue: power. Church members often do not want LGBT people influencing policies because they fear where it might lead. There’s a lack of trust. It should come as no surprise, then, when LGBT people don’t believe churches that say they want to be compassionate toward the community. If LGBT members are not trusted with any level of influence, why would they feel valued?
If you’re afraid these kinds of changes would challenge your church’s theology, then look for LGBT Christians who share your sensitivities and put them in positions of leadership. If you don’t know any LGBT people who are out in your church, it’s important to ask why they haven’t felt safe to tell the truth about themselves. I hear from people all the time who dread the thought of coming out to the Christians in their lives. And when they’re in those kinds of communities, positive messages from Hollywood do not make it easier for them to tell their Christian neighbors that they’re the ones church members have been ranting about on Facebook. LGBT Christians will not come out in your church until they hear you, in small groups and on the main stage, affirm their humanity.
Get to know your LGBT neighbors and invite them into conversations about how your church can grow. Be curious about them and believe them when they tell you about their experiences. Trust them to be better guides than the straight people in your congregation, who have never once known what it feels like to be in a group so frequently disparaged by fellow Christians. You will learn how to better love your neighbors, and you’ll avoid the mistakes that happen when you talk about a group of people without listening to them.
Laura Jean Truman
This is excellent. The difficulties that I’ve had with my non-affirming church have all revolved around issues of “how much am I allowed to be involved.” The leadership, pastoral staff, elders etc have never included me in these conversations. I have to constantly be making sure I’m connected, getting coffee, getting lunch, “listening at doors” (metaphorically) to learn about the new policies that will or won’t affect me and my ability to serve and participate in the church. Most queer folk have left this church, because it’s too much work to constantly be doing the legwork.
But the start has to be a desire to integrate and include, and that seems like something that not a lot of churches in the middle have. Pray for the Spirit to put soft-hearted pastors and elders in leadership across the world.
Julie Rodgers
That’s such a hard place to be. You shouldn’t have to constantly assert yourself and put yourself in the right place to hear what’s being said about LGBT people so you can offer vital feedback. At the same time, I’m so thankful for people like you, who do the difficult work of connecting, grabbing coffee, going for lunch, and answering the same questions over and over again. It’s not easy, but it’s how people are moved. I hope you’re taking care of yourself in the process.
Carri B.
Im on the same page with you Laura Jean. Although it would be much easier for me to start attending a gay friendly church, which living in Denver provides me with ample opportunity to do so, honestly I don’t want to go somewhere where being queer/trans/bi/gay is so much of the focus. But I also am not interested in strong arming a church into changing their theology either. It’s a fine balance to live and I often feel like I live in a ‘no man’s land.’ I’ve been around long enough to see those who have flipped then flopped into being ‘celebrities’ on both sides of this issue. I actually have less respect for them than I do for those who have stayed committed to their convictions or stay with little or no recognition to try and keep the conversation open which in the end is more effective although increasingly hard work to do so.
Katie Melone
I wish all churches could take this and learn from it.
Ashlie Mueller
I really enjoyed this post. For whatever reason, The LGBT community is the “sin” the church has chosen to die on a hill for. They lose all rationality when this subject is brought up, but yet claim to want to reach this group. I know if I was a part of a community the church as a whole was vehemently against, I would not feel very inclined to step into such a place. There are ways to include this group in a way that doesn’t ostracize them and force them to wear a giant G for gay on their chest, the leadership just has to put in the legwork. If it truly is a sin, as they are integrated in the body of Christ and practicing being a Christian, it will work itself out. Answer fear with love and things begin to radically shift.
Craig Maynard
I am touched by the amounts of thoughts that were put into this and the gentle approach. I’ve been to church where the visiting pastor came and spoke against Gay – I’ve never been back there since and they felt it and they’re ashamed but I held my head up and moved on. I think we should be using the word “inclusive” and “best practices” to reduce the traumatic experiences that have been inflicted on us. It was always about “LGBTI” and not with us. People look at me and see a sincere Christian that it made the visiting pastor look like a total jerk. I always came back to “what would Jesus do?” And a lot of people feel uncomfortable because they know I was offended and angry and I rose above it. The church is still there and they’re loosing good hardworking people. One outstanding person wanted to be in leaderships was blocked simply because his brother is gay. He organised youth events and is a trained sport teacher, abseiling, rick climbing, understand youth issues. He was offered a job in the outback and took it without hesitating and left apparently no longer interested in church.
This is in Australia.
Vicky Poulin
Hello Julie. I love your blog and what you stand for. About a year ago I was the kind of person that was against homosexuality but loved the person (so weird to even write that today). Even as I believed that, I was secretly in love with my best friend and actually we were secretly in a relationship for 7 years (or struggling with homosexual sin as I thought at the moment). We were leading worship together, prayer meetings, we were doing missions and counseling, we were teachers in sunday school, etc… About a year and a half ago, she met a man and there it was, my chance to get rid of that sin, so I encouraged her in her relationship with him and pushed her to keep seeing him… until I realized that nothing went away. I was still in love with her, and realized that I was actually attracted to women. (They got married 2 months ago by the way, I was the maid of honor). Also, I had stopped going to church because of many reasons, but I really needed to stop and I ask God who he really was and that I needed to know the truth about him. One of the things that He did in my life during my time away from church (I still prayed and worshipped with my family), is bringing me at peace with who I was and my sexual orientation. It is a big deal for me to even accept it, and now i’m getting ready to tell my family that I decided to accept it (I told them this week about what was going on with me and my best friend) and encourage christians to accept LGBT people. Please pray for courage as I want to stand up for that and bring a much needed change in the christian community. I’m not thinking about going back to church for right now… maybe start a christian group though or a mouvement…? I would like to know your thoughts about that. Thank you for having the courage to do that and giving us hope and courage to stand up also! (Sorry for my english by the way, I’m from Quebec and my first language is french!)
DJ
YES! A thousand times YES! As I’m moving swiftly along through the analysis phase of my dissertation, I’m struck by how much this is true even for L/G celibates, for whom I should think it would be easy for churches to include in conversations…but it’s not. I know Christians bristle at the term homophobia, but what else could you call that? I’m not sure I have much optimism that a large swath of churches will move in the direction you describe here…but I’m hopeful for it.
Michael Schweizer
In contrast to what DJ posted above, I feel that when you write about LGBs and their inclusion (or exclusion), you mean those of us who agree with the “affirming position”: LGBs who have decided they can live out their sexuality in some way as Christians, Many churches ARE inclusive to LGBs who remain “traditional” and therefore celibate.
The issue is this: In the eyes of traditional Christians, “affirming LGBs” live in direct contrast to God’s word. So traditional Christians feel puzzled and wonder why they should include an unrepentant sinner who insists he still belongs.
Rev. Bob Fritch
God does not change neither does His Word. There is no fluidity in God or in His Word, and we are not to try to change theology to accommodate a persons sinful lifestyle whether it be gay relationships, pre-marital sex relationships, non-biblical divorces, etc. Christ does not call the church to affirm or be tolerant regarding sin, in fact He states in His Word that those who are practicing sin, should be approached three times with the opportunity to repent, if they will not repent, then they are to be cast outside of the church and turned over to Satan with the hopes that they do repent, then they are to be received back into fellowship to be restored.
I do not believe that anyone who is in a gay relationship should be allowed to serve in the church in the position of leadership. Now if they are living a celibate lifestyle, then maybe they can serve in some smaller volunteer capacity. The same with anyone else in the church. If the worship leader is living with his girlfriend then he or she should be removed from that position as well until they repent and break off such relationship. If a person is recently divorced, they should be asked to step down out of leadership for a while to receive counseling and then restored to leadership as Christ leads.
Finally, no church should be gay affirming as it should not be affair affirming, or non biblical divorce affirming or those who spread lies affirming and so on. Once again, God’s Word does not evolve over time nor does it change. Just as much as homosexuality was a sin in the Old Testament to the New Testament, so it is the same with today! While Christ loves those who struggle with same sex attraction, He still calls people to go and sin no more, just as much as those heterosexuals who are committing premarital sex or those who are married in extra-marital affairs, to repent and go and sin no more!
Constance
Let’s go there for a moment because I do not agree that same sex attraction is sinful….who has decided it’s the greatest sin? Don’t all of us sin every.single.day? You sir included, Pastor doesn’t equal God, perfection or sinlessness. Until you stop sinning should you not get to be a Pastor? Please tell me how you are sin free, because I remember that lying is also a sin. In regards to the Old Testament, should we stone people too? How about slaves and beating them? Do you refrain from wearing mixed materials and eating shellfish and animals with cloven hoves? Are tattooed people not allowed to serve ever?Jesus never said one word about homosexuality, not one – yet it is decided to be The Biggest Sin. I once asked a Pastor about the greatest sin – her response? Blocking others from God.While I am sure you feel your belief is infallible because of the way you interpret God’s word – words that have been reinterpreted for hundreds of years and often changed – perhaps you should seek counsel with others of differing view and learn. We all fall short of God’s glory, we are all sinners – but the beauty is God loves us anyway. I hope you are offered more grace and mercy than you offer God’s children.